Coping with Loss Around The Holidays

By Ellie Drabnis on December 12, 2017

The Holidays: Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, New Year’s and all of the festive traditions that come with them.

Another big plus that follows the holidays is Winter Break from higher education classes, be they undergrad classes or grad classes. (I tend to say Winter Break because this time off typically begins from late December until roughly the second week of January for most students i.e., the beginning of winter from about the middle of winter).

But, with all the bright lights, gift and the like, not everything is always accompanied by warm smiles and memories. It seems tougher coping with loss around the holidays.

For anyone who has lost someone special to them during or around the holidays, there is a certain emptiness that has now more or less latched itself onto their holiday experiences.

When I was 12, my best friend, Elizabeth died two weeks shy of Christmas. To put it lightly, that was a punch right in the Christmas spirit and, I was so sad. More because the idea that holidays are to be spent with loved ones was imprinted into our psyche from a young age. That was back in my childhood but, I truly miss Elizabeth, who I know call my now guardian angel, most at Christmastime.

It might sound silly but, plenty of people miss those close to them most around the holidays, even more so if their friends or relatives passed around that time.

Nothing can replace lost loved ones so, please do not go on and on about how people should ‘get over it’
(https://www.pexels.com/photo/christmas-cold-friends-frosty-269370/)

Shouldn’t we have ‘gotten over it’?

No matter when the loss happened, the happy memories with our friends and loved ones simply didn’t disappear for good. They are still very much there in our hearts and, missing them never truly goes away. If you haven’t lost someone who had a meaningful impact on your life, you may not know these feelings but, that also means you shouldn’t be attempting to tell anyone how to feeling.

Attempting to tell someone that they should be ‘over it’ (the loss of their loved one) is such a rude thing to say. We realize that our friends or family who have passed on are no longer here, in person. Again, their memory is not dead to us and nothing will ever replace them. Constantly attempting to make us forget and never speak about them is not helping. If anything, it is only hurting us and spreading more negative.

Holidays or not, don’t tell people to simply ‘get over’ personal losses as such.

Remember your loved one how ever you see fit
(https://pixabay.com/en/diwali-diya-lamp-india-clay-2890605/)

Remembering Them (Our Own Way)

Despite certain holidays being religious, that doesn’t mean that everyone necessarily follows a religion. Regardless of one’s religious preferences, remembering a loved one should be personalized to you, the one missing them.

Maybe you had a certain inside joke or something else you shared together and enjoyed. You can write that memory down somewhere and smile about it. Or, if you enjoy writing, take some time out and write an actual letter to your loved one. Write it in a notebook somewhere or on your phone’s notepad, whichever format you prefer.

Some people like lighting candles, be they religious or not. And, others who are religious might pray in their chosen way. The options of remembering your lost loved one are really up to you and you alone. Don’t let anyone discourage you from embracing that memory of the person you miss in your chosen way.

Justifying Missing A Lost Loved One?

There’s no need to do such a thing. As previously stated, nothing can ever replace or erase the people who meant so much to us.

Some people try to use the argument “[your specific friend/loved one] wouldn’t want to see you crying” but that’s not fair. Crying is very normal and lets one’s feelings out. Plus, the fact that we are missing those special people to us is natural. At one point, when they were here in person with us we made plenty of happy memories.

There is a longing about ‘going back there’ to all those yesterdays in our memories and reliving them because we are wishing that we’d had time with those we held dear. It’s okay to cry over it, it’s okay to smile over it and, it’s alright to do both.

(https://www.pexels.com/photo/christmas-home-house-light-280204/)

Phrasing this as ‘beautiful sadness’ might be the most accurate. Through that beautiful sadness, it becomes clear that we are human beings who can and are able to experience more than one emotion at times and, we should really embrace such a thing rather than putting on cookie-cutter smiles and acting like everything is always okay all of the time.

With that: Happy Holidays, everyone!

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